Are we driven by fear?

I was sitting at my study desk a minute ago and contemplated on what has happened for the past few weeks. First, I had to get used to 'being physically away from him'. Honestly, it wasn't easy saying goodbye. Second, I had to write my proposal thesis, which is another challenge.

As I was writing my thoughts down in my journal, I noticed a certain pattern emerging. At every crossroads of my life, fear seems to be the top no. 1. E.g. I study hard because I fear that I can't get a scholarship or the minimum results to get myself into a Master's program. I spend hours and hours on my assignment because I fear I won't meet my own 'expectations'. The bottom line is I'm driven by fear.

How many times have you told yourself this?

"I avoid getting into a close relationship because I fear that I end up betrayed by another person like what happened to me in the past."

"I want to be a top student because I fear that my reputation of being 'the' smart student will suffer."

"I don't want to speak in public because I fear that I would be a laughing stock to others."

Our lives are driven by fear, although most of you reading this might deny the fact. At least, I realize mine is and I'm going to do something about it.

It is fear that paralyzes me. It is fear that makes me grip around the steering wheel and let God sit at the passenger's seat instead of making him the driver. It is fear that reflects my lack of faith in God. Fear is a telltale sign that I haven't been exercising my dependence on Him. It acts like chains that clam me down and makes aspirations dissipate like how rain drop falls on the hot surface and vaporize in seconds.

I've been brought up with this popular verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take". Sang the song a million times but never took time to 'savor' it. It is today that God 'takes a cup of cold water and splash it on my face'. Time to wake up..and let go..to have a lil more faith..to break free from my own fears. I was thinking, "Does God even care about my assignment?" And a verse popped into mind, reminding me that God even knows how many hair we have on our heads. He knows us inside out and He cares about every lil thing that happens in our lives.

In short, I feel I have still so much to learn in my walk with God. I've made so many errors and am so imperfect. It is about time to let go and let God lead the way. In the end, I've no entire control in the events of my life. Yes, I do my part but I have to leave the rest to God cos' I can be assured that I'm in the good hands of the Lord with His promises. =)