Thursday, March 4, 2010

Speaking the Language of Love (The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman)

"March is a significant month, isn't it?"

It is now a trend to list your Birthday wishes so that people will know what to get you for your Birthday and make your day. It's not a bad idea by the way because your giver knows exactly what you want and you'd be happy to get what you receive. It saves quite a lot of time thinking of what to buy.

Years ago, I read a book of the Five Love Language for both Marriage and Bringing Up Kids. After completing a questionnaire, I was quite sure that my three primary love languages are quality time, words of affirmation and receiving gifts.


...if you're thinking of making Siaw Lin happy on her Birthday this coming 15th March, here's a simple 1-2-3 manual! The biggest hint I can give is to speak my love language. Don't worry. Nothing gibberish. :)

Number #1: Quality Time

"A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity.. togetherness has to do with focused attention."

My first primary love language is quality time. When someone enjoys spending time with me, I feel loved and cherished. Quality time does not mean having to sit at the table and stare at each other awkwardly. It means spending time together and doing activities we both enjoy. It can be simple as taking me to:

-a party with closed friends
-a good dinner
-shopping at Ikea...
-CupBon at Wangsa Walk
-taking long walks around Melawati
-playing boardgames
-pillow talks (applied strictly for girls. haha.)
-watch a movie at GSC

While you're at it, pay attention to what I say and give me undivided attention. Share about your thoughts, feelings or experiences in a friendly or serious manner, whatever suits your style. Just as you lend me your listening ear, I will do the same for you. I love exchanging opinions, thoughts, ideas, (lame jokes), and intellectual questions with family and friends. Tell me how your day went, bad or good. Ask me questions to show your genuine desire that you truly want to care and understand me. The time I spent with my family and friends are deeply embedded in my memory.

Number #2: Words of Affirmation

My second primary love language is words of affirmation. On my study desk, there is a glass filled with Birthday notes from my friends from Msia, Australia and United States. They were all compiled by a bunch of friends who threw a surprise party on my 21st B'day. Most notes are touching. Some were lame (ahem). But, whatever, it is, this glass is like my little sunshine. When I feel sad or discouraged, I'd randomly pick one to read. And you'll never know how much a positive encouragement can cheer me up or make me feel a little better. Your birthday notes remind me of the beautiful friendships we both share and value. It is the same for the letters and cards I received over the years. I've learned to cherish snail mails even more because of their plunging popularity rate ever since Facebook and e-cards have taken over our world.

Overall, it is words of encouragement that keeps me positive and motivated. Verbal compliments affirm that I am capable to reach a goal and they build my self-esteem. It offers me the security to try new things and the courage to persevere when the going gets tough.

So...What can you do on my Birthday?

-Send me a snail mail
-Send me a Birthday card (preferably hand-made) or a letter
-Send an e-card, post something on my Facebook wall or whack me with a virtual pillow
-Send me a SMS with lots of smiley
-A phone call (distant or near)-handphone, Skype (which you can access through my blog too), house line
-Give verbal compliments and be honest about it!
-Tell me how much our friendship means to you
-Reveal to me how much I've impacted your life, whether in the smallest ways
-Tell me how much you cherish the time you spent with me

Number #3: Receiving Gifts

Gifts itself is a symbol of the giver's thought. It doesn't matter if you've made the gift your ownself because gifts need not be always expensive.It is the thought that counts. Gifts are something that I can hold and say to myself, "This giver thought of me while he or she bought this." I cherish the gifts I received from my friends, although some may seem insignificant to others like M&M and Kit Kat wrappers. To me, it is the intention that matters. Gifts hold a significant meaning if it was given with a sincere and genuine heart.

p/s: Posting my Birthday list is most unlikely. :) If you do not know what I want for my Birthday yet, please refer to number #1 and #2 and do as accordingly. Simplest way to know what I like/need is to talk to me personally! Find out what I like or dislike! If you've known me well, you will know (that I am very picky when it comes to cakes so you might want to leave that out ya!)