#1: I knew you were tired because you had to stay in the hospital from morning till evening while the doctors got you treated. When I heard mum’s car engine, I opened the door for you. You stood there at the door with a smile and greeted me, “Happy Birthday”. Oh yeah, it’s my Birthday. It was sweet of you to remember it! :) The day before my actual Birthday, we were seated at Delicious Restaurant. I wanted Western food. You suggested that we should go to the Japanese Restaurant next door. I obliged. Yeah, I guess we can go there and come back here for dessert, I said softly, unconvinced. So, we stood up, left our tables, told the waitress that we would be back for desserts and walked over to the Japanese Restaurant. As a Birthday girl, I had the privilege to order what I liked. The food came and there’s no doubt that it was the best Jap food in town. You told me you wanted to celebrate my Birthday for many years to come. We chorused, “Yes”. We all want you to get well soonl and be healthy.
#2: You said your t-shirt collar was too big and you could not find a suitable broach to close the opening. Mum looked through her dressing table and found a few broach but you said they were too big for your liking. We went to Jusco but they were too expensive. Few days passed and you still couldn’t find the broach you wanted.While I was walking along the streets of a night market not too far from home, I stopped at a stall to look if I could get you anything. I picked a small broach which was shaped into a leaf with diamond stuts on it. Hmm, maybe you would like this, I thought. I paid for it and I carried it home safely with me. I went to your room and saw you were lying down with the lights on. I wasn’t sure if you were asleep or you were closing your eyes resting. I walked towards you and tapped gently on your knee. You jolted. I said, I bought a broach for you. You looked at it and said you liked it. I was happy. :) The windows were closed. The room was stuffy. I switched on the air-con, wished you good night and switched off the lights so you could rest. You wore the broach with the t-shirt the next few days.
#3: “Eh, we play mah jong tonight, ok”, I said. I am not a good player. I only know the simple rules. The simplest version which I played with my friends does not include counting ‘points’ (a.k.a. the no-gambling-version). As long as you have a good set of cards, you show your cards to other players and you are the winner. You agreed. I knew you liked Mah Jong because you often played it with your friends in Ipoh. I reached for my Mah Jong set from the shelf and carefully laid the mini tiles on the coffee table. You said they were small. Yes, small and cute. You won three times, effortlessly. :D I cannot remember the details of the game but I remember we had a good time laughing and taking turns to win. We enjoyed each other’s company. :D
#4: It was time for dinner. We decided to eat out. I asked, “You wanna hold my hand?” You reached for my hand and you jokingly said, “We look like dating couple hor?” I smiled. You rested your arm on me. I touched your dry skin. Your skin was so thin that they looked as though they can be easily bruised. You were physically weak but I knew that you had a strong mind and spirit to fight the disease. You had a very strong willpower to withstand the side effects of your medication and you seldom complained about your physical pain.
#5: Other little memories..
My family planned to visit you in Ipoh next week. We talked about the food that we could eat during our visit-dim sum, chee cheong fun, tau fu fa, kai si hor fun and many more. You said, “You come down lah. I take you to eat lah.” The time did not come. Your body continued to deteriorate and the Lord decided to take you home last week on 28th July 2010-10.16 a.m at ICU. Our hearts grieve because we miss your presence.
You are at Home with the Lord with no pain and no tears. You’ve done well. You fought well. We will meet again on heaven shores. As for the little memories, I thank God for the times I had with you. I will keep it safe.
Steven Curtis Chapman
This is not at all
How we thought it was suppose to be
We hadso many plans for you
We has so many dreams
But now you’ve gone away
ANd left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can Take away the pain
The pain of losing you
And we will cry with hope
We can say good-bye with hope
‘Cause we know our good-bye is not the end
And we will grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father smile and say ’ well done.’
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now your home
And now your free
We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything
God promises us is true
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope
During these moments, I asked the Lord, “Why, Why would you allow this to happen?”, “Why have you taken 3 of my relatives, a friend, a good father of my best friend in just over two years? Have you not know that I have been crying myself to sleep and waking up at 5 a.m., with tears still streaming down my cheeks? Have you not know that I was in pain? Have you not know that I have been fighting against my strong emotions? Didn’t you know that I have my own limits? Didn’t you know that I have been in my lowest? Didn’t you know that I have problem concentrating? I keep misplacing my things. I forget what I told people or what they told me.” While I struggled with these thoughts, the Lord who is present in times of need, assured me that this is only temporary pain and He knows how it is like to lose someone whom we loved because He cried and mourned when Lazarus was dead. He knows how it was to be lonely and sad. Despite all these, He has promised to be with us-EMMANUEL, God with us. He will wipe every tear. He will listen to our cries. No matter how painful the journey is, let the Lord’s name be praised. If we can accept the good days from Him, we can definitely accept the bad days too. His timing is always perfect. He will take care of us. Then, my questions of “Why would you..” and “Didn’t you know” turned to “How, Lord, would you want me to respond?”. May God’s name be blessed during good times and bad times. I might not understand every single event that happened but I know He, with the greatest wisdom, would carry us through.
“I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2